Browsing through some of my friends' freindster and found that my ex-classmates were keeping in touch with some of their buddies/cliques...yes, i thought we had fun together during school days but apparently others do not think that way...friendship to me is important as my family where you find your pillar of support.
i dunno how friendship can maintain when we are at different phase of life..now, i am working. i have my fair share of colleagues and friends but the time i spent doesn't seem to justify.
i am seriously afraid that i will lose touch...with my good friends and my own assumption of good friends who think likewise. Of course, i know there are friends out there who still cares for me but i feel that i did not reprociate the action.
seriously speaking, i am jeolous. always jeolous of that sec classmates. i do not know why and don't ask me why.. that inner me cannot be at ease after like 3 years.
i saw my sec sch classmates gathering - they are the closer clique together and i thought, yes, my own assumption that we were good friends.
i was with my 1st three months classmates - but we can't seem to communicate. we were really close that time. it was gone - just like that.
my jc friends and i hardly meet up xcept for M3 and their guys - to me that is sufficient. Of course, also my dear friends xh,mz and some others.
in my part time course, i am a little gal to those elder sisters. we are still so called aquantainces though we were in a group. Once i decided to go full-time next year, i have to look for new friends or who knows i may not study full-time or halt my study plan due to financial diffiulties.
coming back to the knowledge of those gatherings, i felt that i neglect that social aspect in me or it's just fate that i couldn't?
friends....who are they?
not to mention friends, i can even get along with some of my ex-classmates.
i am totally feeling despaired down the road...am i afraid of loneliness? do i yearn for something sub-consciously?
Now, with more workload and doing more confidential stuff in work, my interaction with my clique is getting lesser and lesser. i will be in the room with another new colleague who may be much other. No longer in the open CR team where interaction is much vibrant. i lose my contact point...cos i don have much time...not for lunch and always get off work late latest at 9 pm.
like this evening, my colleagues always wait for me to finish my work b4 we set off to the next destination. They bother to ask me if i want to join them now..what about few months down the road?
i feel especially insecure and jeolous - i think it's PMS but this is also the time when true thoughts and feelings were revealed. they were hidden subconsciously.
someone once said - it's better to have one or a few good friends than many fair-weather friends or aquantaince. Yes, i agree but where can you find friends like that unless you play a part in being pro-active.
sigh
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