It's only been half a day and i missed talking/msning him. i feel so uneasy. this bro..wonder if he's feelin ok or what? it feels like something is not going right here. i dunno...but the kind like..er..
i cannot continue like this.
what the heck, i should be on my anxious mode to get the cert from my china supplier and settle the thai issue, but i feel ok, it's like this problem can be solved. it has been pending since 11 oct and now it's 20 oct that within 10 days, i felt stressful and did not go for lessons. i felt so so guilty.
ok, now i have to go back to work. don feel like eating after this 5 day detox cum slimming programme. lose 2.9kg so far, aim to lose a few more kg by end oct.
once again i feel that i have been sidelined or rather left out which i did not feel for the past 3 years. Well, i think it's because that i am alone in the room now that naturally i am being left out cos i am really busy with my stuff that i did not have lunch. Yes, i did not have lunch today. anyway, lunch to me is kinda meaningless as i am eating alone. i think i should make the effort to go out with them but the timing clashes, or i do not feel like eating at particular place.
take for eg, it;s my colleague birthday but i did not realise until they bought the cake and i was not like asked to chip in...even if they don't ask, i will definitely chip in cos it's her birthday. Also, i was asked to join in the birthday celebration but as they were gathering ppl, i have urgent things to attend to hence they did not ask me to join in...
i was doing my work until the birthday gal passed me a slice of the cake and i felt so guilty that i did not managed to join in her celebration. i mean i expect ppl to ask me to join in, yea? but who cares? cos i m condemned as BUSY which is true.
now they are on their way to marina, i did not know until the birthday gal told me and ya...it's the same thing/feeling. i told them to give me time to prepare and so i can join them but in the end, i did not go and ended up writing here. i don think they did it on purpose maybe cos i m unreachable (they cannot find me..)..now i don know whether i am finding excuses to cover up my unhappiness...
not only that, they have arranged to go to expo that fri to do their nails. yes, i was not asked to go cos maybe i stay in the west while they in the east or north east. in the end, they did not go cos some unforseen circumstances cropped up.
come to think of it, i think the export gal flared up at me cos of an email which i replied seemed rude to her. if she has such reaction, it means that the feeling of dislike and unhappiness has been kept in her inner conscience for a long time and so her interpretation of my email causes her to flare up. imagine the hard knock on the door...
fine, i don want to dwell on it anymore as i m feeling very very moody and i find the excuse that my addiction is not appeased as i did not see any eye candy for the past 2 days! ahahahh...yup...
this terrible personality..
i hate it.
