i went for an information session today on Overseas Development Programme ODP (China).
opening up my options to work in the public sector. things may not be so bad after all. it is always a challenge to try and absorb new stuff. i was greatly attracted to this programme because there is an opportunity to work and engage with China which i have always been thinking of. on friday, my dad emailed me on a news article in which MM Lee highlighted the two challenges that singapore has to face and one of them is china related. yes, that is the info session that i attended today. surprised that my dad emailed me. anyway, some time back, he has encouraged me to work in china. the future is there.
this info session is kinda informative and to open up another dimension of my expectations by taking up this programme. concurrently at the back of my mind, there is another thought of how uncle thinks of this. this is because i am asked to think carefully of what i want to do after my graduation.i have been working for close to four years and what i have gained? this thought has been bothering me for the past years and i just let it pass, dilly dally.
now back what has happened this morning. during the talk, i have a lot of questions running through my mind such as my eligibility as i have a private degree, what's more i have yet to get my transcript till october and that how am i going to apply? luckily this is an ongoing recruitment and thus i think i can apply as i have my complete resume and degree. of course, it is always good to get things started earlier.
after the infomation session, i approached an officer and enquired about the application process. phew, her answers cleared most of my doubts and it seemed positive. i hate it when i showed subtle inconfidence on my qualifications. thereafter, i intend to leave but since there is free food, why not have it before i go since i hadn't had breakfast and that i am not rushing for time.
while i was at a corner eating, there came a lady. must be younger than me. we were eating silently. the inner me struggled to strike up a conversation with her. hack, i did it and asked if she is alone for the talk. i got the ball rolling. she was here because one of the speakers wanted her to listen to this talk. she will be reading her degree on economics at Peking university next month. wow, she's great. and yes, she's PSC. we talked a little more and i told her what i am currently doing. once again, i showed subtle inconfidence.
then my mobile rang, it was from one of the suppliers. after a min on the phone i can sense that she needs to go and thus i signaled to her that she can go if she is in a hurry as i cannot make her wait!
and there i finished my food and went to meet my friends for movie and dinner.
visited ion. it was ok. did not manage to finish the tour, will leave it for another session.
back home, i was reading TODAY. the headline 'Meet the six new 'sceptics'' attracted me. i carried on reading until i halted when i see the profile of the scholar who fitted the description of the scholar i had a brief encounter with this morning. it shocked me. it's her.
what small world~ woo...i spoked to her and i couldn't believe it.
suddenly, my mind was in a whirl. i dunno what i am suppose to think about.
confusion sets in.
this brings back to the meet up with xihui on thursday night. i told her my plans to start thinking what i really wanted to do, to take up new skills, courses, activities to do and many more. i feel that i have a long list of things i need to do such as taking up finance and accounts related courses, chinese studies, languages, driving, diving, going for self development seminars. i was happily listing to her until she stumped me with this remark - she said i am going to do so many things, is it because of my insecurities?
she hit on the bull eye. yes, what she said is kinda true. i am insecured. why?
the main reason i will say is that i am a private degree holder. how to compete with the fresh grads from NUS, NTU, SMU, not to say those scholars and elites?
so what if i have work experience? i always felt that what i have acquired and experienced is not transerable, irrelevant, not specialised, very admin. in this highly competitive environment, the paper chase, money chase or whatever chases there can be is stressful. i do not want to become mundane till my late 20s. i want to make my worth. it may not necessary be a high flyer but one that is fulfilling, things that i can excel in and benefit others while making my life comfortable. this simple and idealist thinking, many will think it's laughable. there must be a trade off.
this, i entangled myself into another trough. what do i really want? how should i go about it? i do not have a focus, plan, backup. i do not know how to weigh the risk and opportunities. maybe that is why i have not been able to break through in my current job as there is a unknown obstacle and force between me and my destination (my ultimate goal).
every family has its own set of problems. my family is not exceptional and i want to settle and plan for my parents' healthcare charges and bills through means of insurance, investements, savings. whatever it is, at least some protection so that it not be hard on anyone finances. my family background is not the well-to-do or above average type. i am thinking of how to increase my salary and one of it is to look for higher paying job and bite the bullets if the work sucks.
investments carry certain risks. i am not well verse, ok i should say i am not even knowledgeable about this area. trust the adviser? given the current climate, are they worth trusting? the papers, journals, reports? the writers themselves took references from the elites and analyst. what now?
i am so troubled. i want to make things as simple as possible, prepare for the worst while able to enjoy the process. however, my character, personality is....well, to tell you frankly, i do not know my strengths and weaknesses well.
i read an article in august issue of reader's digest and this gives me some optimistic thought at the moment - YOUR LIFE WILL BE WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.
i kept thinking what if one day i meet with a mishap and have many unfinished things i need to do. this is because i almost met with a car accident if i hadn't look out for the car while crossing the small road. this inner fear may be my greatest fear.
whatever you want here