just completed exam for the last 2nd term. went bacl to work then went to suntec harris and bought a book. to ignite the resolution.
2 weeks of break from work to focus on exam and work is doom.
woke up terribly early on a sunday morning. suppose to act according to plan but has some changes. i have to give myself 3 months to make the change and handle the final year project or graduation project.
woke up. surf net. watch a korean movie called 100 days with Mr Arrogance. thought it's a lameshit movie but then towards the middle of the plot, i realised that i still have the regret - for not having the confidence to re-take A level exam. it is this lack of confidence and trust in myself that i have become so so hesitant. just like i was about to join an IFA and taken all the necessary exams. waste money? waste time? i am afraid to step out of comfort zone.
4 yrs have passed and i am gg to graduate from the current course but i am so distraught with my results as i am afraid i cannot achieve my goal....how?
i should have worked harder, smarter and religiously to get into local uni. is entry to a local uni everything? well, it may be so. but i think what is important is a knack for thinking, street smart. others will argue that getting a proper degree is the stepping stone. if that is the case, then isn't only the brightest get to get into the uni or just by luck?
i still love the feeling of being in the local uni experience and i missed the days being a full time student. i did not treasure the times i had in school or is it that i lost or couldn't remember the feeling/happenings in school?
i hate myself for this. what if i had re-take the A level? will i get entry into local uni? i have been lying to myself that i am ok, i am so gonna get ahead in life and blah blah blah...what is life? what is my purpose in life? what do i want in life? i have about at least 50 years ahead of me, how should i carry on?
i do not know myself well enough.what are my strengths, weakness, good at, suck at? what am i as a human? what am i as part of the family? incoherence thoughts. live for the day and let it pass without realising if i am making progression to my goals. ironic. what is my goal anyway?
i lost. i am lost.
whatever you want here