I called NTU today cos i could not wait any longer for the appeal result as it may affect my other plans which i have to accept it unwillingly. The appeal failed for both NUS and NTU. Understandably, it's my sucky result that attribute to the fate that i am heading towards.
I mind how others see me - not being able to be a true-blue uno student just because i am going to a private institution for higher learning and have to pay more for the fees. No campus life, no proper 'teaching' , meaning attachments and other normal school offers. I hate myself for not re-taking 'A'. Anyway, there's no point in retaking it as i've no confidence in Maths. STUPID!
Well, i have to really take another optimistic view of how different i am from my other schoolmates/classmates. Erm..i don really know what i am doing now is a temporary console or just to hide from the reality.
I will be dumbfounded when others ask me in future :"so which uni are you attending now?" How should i answer? Uni of Bradford student?? MDIS student?? i know i should be condemning all these but it's unavoidable. I will be working pt time for the nxt 1 yr as my course is pt time for the 1st yr but come 2nd & 3rd yr, it's full-time. I may work cos i need to pay for the fees. I enrol in the working life earlier than others but i may lose out on other aspect that my classmates/schmates who r going to the Uni. I just hate the feeling of being inferior. YES, I HATE THIS FEELING.
Others will comfort me by saying that going to local uni is not everything, there are always other alternatives but the path is tough. I have to admit that. I wanna exp how tough can that get. My worse fear is that i learn nothing in this course which i have paid much $$$.
I wanna be better than those fresh grads. i want to be indispensable.erm.. that's too much hor..i..
whatever you want here